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What need to be done when she wants back?

This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Breaking Up
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Joined: 18 Sep 2010
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 6:13 am    Post subject: What need to be done when she wants back? Reply with quote

My wife left me 2 months ago, during this time she moved into her own place.

Her history:
She had a child at the age of 19,
She married the boy’s dad and divorced him 7 months later,
She has been through rocky relationships with some abuse,
My dad and her dad have been best friends since before my wife’s birth,
After her last abusive relationship she moved in with my parents,
I met her and we started going out,
Match made in heaven!
She was 22 when we got married

My History:
I was successful in my line of work,
Steady feet on the ground,
Financially sound,
I was 30 when we got married.

Now the story goes, we got married 3 years ago. All the butterflies and young love was there. My parents basically helped her brought the boy up from birth and he refers to my parents as grandma and grandpa. I basically knew her all my life with some huge gaps in between since the friendship between our families. I fell in love with her, she was uncertain about where the relationship was going since all the previous bugger-ups. But she made up her mind and told her father I am the man of her dreams. We got engaged 4 months after and 9 months later got married. We were really happy for a year and a half. I accepted the boy as my own and brought him up. Somehow I new in the back of my head, if this is not going to work I need to protect myself. So before we got married I had my lawyer draw up a very detailed pre-nuptial agreement and never legally adopted the boy. She was not very happy with the agreement since it sounded to much like “if we get divorced”. Our relationship deteriorated with more and intense fights and actually spending one night apart. We did speak about our problems but did not always found the solutions. She easily shut me out when I tried to talk to matters that really matter, it was like talking to a wall. She complained a lot she does not have her own friends since she moved out of the small town to live with me in the big city. She told me long before that she suffers from depression since her mother died and all the failed relationships. She was on medication (5mg Lexamil daily). She is also considered as a “cutter” (when they cut them self’s during low times and some arguments we had). I Paid for phyc session with no effect really. As her Husband I was standing behind her and only wanted the best.

In the meantime we relocated to a beautiful coastal city, hoping this might be good for both of us. A real place of piece and beauty and loads of things to do. Now to get to the point, things went bad, she cheated on me 5 months ago and I caught her our with emails and text msgs. She admitted twice she had an affair but recently she denied it was just friendship and that she was lonely because I apparently pushed her away. The stuff I got tells a different story all though she read it herself. We have been through the forgiving stage and things were good for 4 months. I gave her space for the ladies nights etc as she asked me even though I could not trust her but trying to avoid confrontation, perhaps to much freedom and I was warned by friend this is not healthy. If I was not working we spend a lot of time together, I always made time for my family, yet I caught her out again for not being honest in her nightly calavant’s while I stay at home looking after the boy.

Confronted her about it, and she told me she does not love me the way a wife should love her husband. She told me I pushed her away and she needs to make her own decisions and admit she will take responsibility for it. She told me she feels this relationship is not working. I found a few letters 3 weeks ago in middle of text books address one year ago to me explaining her feelings and what we need to do to fix it, yet she never spoke a word to me about it. I was the only one who talked to her about my issue and what make me unhappy, yet it usually ended up in a fight; I told her she stopped showing me the real touch of love so this goes both ways, the answer I got was “I was not raised up with affections; I am not your mother”. We when for some counselling, she told me in one session she loves me 70% as a friend and 30% as her husband, what does that mean???

Anyway I flew the boy up to my parents and kicked her out. She earns a very small salary, I provided for 95% of the house hold. She moved in with another guy a week ago, claiming they are just friends but yet when I dropped of some stuff off I’ve seen a photo of her in the guy’s walletn the boy also talked his innocent mount by “ daddy, me and mommy was sleeping with Steve”. I asked her about it and she told me in anger she hand photos to every one but immediately took it out, about what the buy said ended in dead silence. She told me in anger she is tired for the fact that I keep thinking she is having an affair and trying to destroy her. I feel I haven’t heard the whole truth even with the relationship she had before. The boy is back with her now, confused as hell but I keep in touch with him. She started blaming me for our marriage but I told her 2 weeks nights ago I have had it. I filed for divorce the same time. She signed the settlement agreement with (how it looks like) no remorse. I am practically leaving her with nothing (thanks to my prenup).

I can’t take the pain anymore. Now that we are on the brink of divorce all my friends and family told me she was not right for me and don’t deserve me. They all knew this will happened but did not want to tell me. She is now on 20mg Lexamil, seriously depressed and gained weight like mad. The financial suffering will kick in after the divorce is final and I cut her off financially.
Recently (yesterday) I found a letter address to her from this new guy Steve (She is living with) stating how much he misses her and love her etc. I was shocked. She lied to me again; she lied to her father, to my parents just to get the boy back. I asked her about the letter and she screamed at me they are only friends but hell, a photo, the boy’s confession and not the letter tells different. Friends don’t talk like this. She blamed me for not listening to her, and that that was the main issue in our marriage but she lie so much I don’t know what to believe and she can tell 3 versions of the same story in one day.

I use to think I love her, but now after yesterday I feel so much hate and betrayal. I know I am not innocent and there were things I could have handled better like getting her proper help, perhaps for the both of us earlier in the relationship. But I am now sick of blaming myself, I was and am a good husband, I gave her all I could, devoted my live to my marriage. I was committed, I tried to communicate. Worship the ground she walked on, I spend so much time with her, I bought her expensive presents. When birthday and anniversary comes I put a lot of though into it, bought her a brand new car which only lasted 3 months before she totaled it. Made her surprise breakfast etc etc etc.. and after all this she still left and cheated on me...what did I do wrong or missed? I set the rule never to sleep angry and I feel she took everything for granted. I simply received no romance from her and I thank GOD we did not have any children. After the last chat we had I draw the line with all the insults, my last words was “you are a bad person and are dead to me”. Don’t think that has any affect on her, maybe I am wrong, perhaps when she tried to find ways if things don’t work out and need to get back sucking on this cash cow she will think twice. I actually send all the evidence I gathed about her affairs to her dad. I spoke to him last night but he had nothing to say because of the shock. I feel like I want to ruin her, she broke my hart and I know 2 wrongs don’t make a right and all that but I feel now and eye for and eye. She did this to her 1st husband, now to me. She is 24 years old, 2 failed marriages and now a boyfriend who is her knight in shining armour and 2 years younger than her. This poor guy doesn’t know what he is in for, but I am not going to tell him. He can experience it himself. All I can say from his letter, he is proud to have setup a house for her.

One thing I realised and shocked me, the times she locked her self in the bathroom and cut herself with a razor it was just habit to kick the door down, grab her arms, washed it off and place a band on while telling her why does she do this, please just stop and after that life lust goes on until the next time. I should have opened my bloody eyes!

What do I do when all falls apart for her and want to come back. I am weak and soft and fall’s easy for her manipulation. What type of woman was I dealing with?
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