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My love and former lovers. Do I leave? Please help today

 
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tsarchris
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Joined: 04 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:13 pm    Post subject: My love and former lovers. Do I leave? Please help today Reply with quote

Hello. I am C - 39 and I have been seeing A - 28 for one year. A and I met in Nov 08. In March 09 she moved in with me, and in July 09 we moved to a new state together.

When we met she was living in the basement of E's parent's house. E lived there also.

Soon after I moved her into my place, she went to a comedy show with him and came back late. I thought she went with several friends, but turns out it was just him. I asked about the relationship and A blew up stating she had never slept with E and I was intolerant and it was possible for her to be friends with a guy and not sleep with him. I of course saw through this BS, but knew I loved her and wanted our relationship to work. I was angry and hurt, but we had not been together long so I decided to curb my jealousy and let it go.

I found out last night A is still communicating with him (facebook, etc.). She doesn't seem to think it's a big deal - "we are in a separate state", "he's like a brother", "I stay friends with my exes", etc.
Last night A also finally admitted she was sleeping with E for a little over one year, but they had stopped sleeping together before she met me, even though she still lived in his parent's house and so did he.

I feel cheated on - or at least like A has only one foot in our relationship, totally disregarding my feelings and I am furious. The only reason I didn't kick her ass out last night was because we just put her dog to sleep Monday after a prolonged illness, and she is still very emotional.

I love and respect this woman and do everything for her. I cook, clean, do the dishes, take her on trips, she does not have to work, and I try my best to make her happy. I have never cheated on her and never talked to previous lovers or anything remotely similar. I have been cheated on in the past and I know how it hurts, so it is just something I would never do.

A tells me she does love me and would never cheat on me or intentionally hurt me, yet her email password contained E's name (all my passwords contain her name), and although the Facebook messages are bland, it is obvious they were lovers - she asks where he is going to be moving to, she told him she would tell our dog he loves her (this really hurt), and he repeatedly asks her to call him.

I love A so very much and I do not want to lose her - I am upset now at the thought of it. However, I cannot let myself be used or cheated on.

What are your thoughts please, and what would you do???????
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nimmysnv
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Joined: 13 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just be honest with her as, dont play with yours and her emotions. The important thing is if someone is caring about you so much then respect the feelings of her.

Please, be with her and be honest.

Thanks!
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romeohelpme
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Joined: 17 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You sound really skeptical about her love. If you can't trust her, no matter how much you love her, its just not going to work. The right decision sounds like its going to be hard either way. But ask yourself this - if you two stayed together for the rest of your lives and things continued the way they were, would you be happy?
Of course, you owe it to yourself to try and work things out. Talk to her about whats going on, and express your feelings. But in the end you've got to make the decision thats going to suit you best.

All the luck in the world!
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Cassandra
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Joined: 01 Dec 2009
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Location: United states

PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 2:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I too think that you are skeptical about her love.
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