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Lost my best friend because i told I love her

 
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0000love0000
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PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 6:00 pm    Post subject: Lost my best friend because i told I love her Reply with quote

I am a guy(32). I liked a girl(26) and we were very good friends for 2 yrs. I think she didnt know that I liked her. She had a boyfriend she was serious about. I knew that because she always talked about him. So kept a distance. Recently she had to move back to her boyfriends city after 2yrs for a job. Before she left, like 2-3 months before, I felt she looked at me differently. She always invited me for coffee or to watch tv at here apt. She talked about her new apt she was going to move in with her boyfriend. We once went shopping. She asked me to pick two dresses for her. She bought those that I liked. Once in a public place where I received an award, she kissed me on my neck near my ear to congratulate me, while I was sitting next to her and when I had shown her the award. As the day to leave approached, once she gave that look and winked at me while I was talking to other friends in the group. Nobody noticed, just me. One day while watching tv, we were sitting next to each other (not touching) and while talking we happened to start staring in each others eyes. And looked at her lips, she did too. It happened 3/4 times. Then I looked away and didnt kiss, she had a bf. I once over heard her saying that I was a special man while talking to her friends. All was well. Until two weeks before she left, I got a fever about her. 24/7 I could not think anything but here, lost focus, could not work. So I had to tell her. I did so in confidence knwing she had boyfriend and she would understand me. I told her I had feelings for her. She said she has a bf and whatever she said or did she did not mean it !?! She said its best not to see her to forget her. I tried that for one week. But it became worse. I told her that I am in love with her and will never be able to forget her. At the same time I respect her relationship. And will backoff and would life to be friends as before. But since the first day I told her that I liked her, she stopped talking/replying taking my calls etc. We didnt even talk at a friends party a day before she left. We didnt say goodbye. Didnt give a hug to my best friend. Feel bad, that she stopped talking. And loosing her. I tried everything but she does not reply.Now she is gone and only the memories come back to haunt me. Because everywhere I go, the places remind me of her.

So my question is: how do I get her trust back.? She said she does not hate me, but then why not talk to me? She avoided me before leaving like I was a ghost? She would walk fast if I was near, would take other way, will never be alone near me, wouldnt look into my eyes while talking.? Am I that bad. I mean I just told her what I felt and never wanted to come in way of her and her bf.

Its been 4 weeks now and I miss her a lot. But she did not reply to any of my emails.

what should I do ? why she does not talk? Is she afraid she would fall in love with me? or she just does not like to imagine my type as her bf? Sad

Thank You. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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stp23
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PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To begin, she always talked about her boyfriend: all about the apartment she was moving into with him, asking your opinion about the dresses she wanted to buy so she could wear them for him, and so forth. She felt comfortable around you, so comfortable in fact, that she spent time with you, confiding in you as well as seeking your male opinion on matters especially pertaining to her love interest. You were a male confidante, and she valued your male opinion so she could better understand what it would take to please her boyfriend.

The day you stared into each others' eyes could have been a moment of arousal for her, or it could have possibly been a test to see if you were aroused by her. In other words, a test to see if you were a male friend or something more. I think that the fact that you didn't share that kiss confirmed it in her mind that you were, indeed, a male friend to her as you didn't make a move on her. A test of trust possibly.

She is avoiding you because you have utterly confused her. You have shown her your true feelings when all along she wasn't getting those inner feelings out of you. As before, the stare/non-kiss incident had confirmed her sense that you were just a close friend. It's not uncommon for women to seek men just for friendship, and many of them are looking for such friends so they can get a better grasp on the male mind and seek their opinions on things. Now, however, she is confused and probably is avoiding you so as not to hurt your feelings because she has, in fact, not accepted you as her lover. She has a boyfriend who is her lover.

As for whether you are her "type", I don't know. I don't know how you became acquainted with her in the first place or what led to the development of the friendship. She was going out with the guy at the time, and if there was some attraction to you, it's still necessary to point out that she didn't seem to be nurturing romantic feelings from what you have written. You probably seemed to be someone she could trust, and from your post, it is evident that she valued your opinion and friendship.

I don't think romance with her is possible at this time. She has her man, and she is avoiding you. Not because she hates you, but rather because she wants you to get it out of your head that she is going to leave him for you. That said, I think this could still develop into more under certain conditions: First, her relationship with her boyfriend would have to come to an end. Second, you would have to be in contact with her, with her being the one to initiate the contact (that point is debatable). Finally, she would need to re-evaluate you as a potential lover. She knows you as a friend, not a lover. I could see this scenario unfolding if the first condition occurs. She might call you (with heavy emphasis on the "might") to cry about her lost relationship with her boyfriend. Then, when you meet in person, some physical contact would possibly occur (initiated by her of course) resulting in a renewed relationship with you.

In the meantime, if I was you, I would not contact her at all. She is avoiding your contact and wants it like that for her personal reasons and you need to keep your distance at this time. At the same time, you need to pursue another lady for romance and make an attempt to cool off your feelings for your lady friend. As before, she has her boyfriend and if their relationship is still going, then it will, unfortunately for you, have to be this way.
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0000love0000
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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2009 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank You stp23. Yes you are right. She said that to me, she is not talking to get my feelings straight. And not seeing her will help me. Although it is not working right now, it will eventually. And may be now, even if I would like to be just friends, it is not possible with her. And for that reason she will not be able to confide in me as a friend. Because I will have feelings for her. Man ! this is sad. But not as bad if I haven't told her how I felt. That would have been worse. So I will stop contacting her, but will keep in touch once in a while. Just to see how she was. And I will find myself another girl. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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l0v3
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 2:47 am    Post subject: surprised Reply with quote

she maybe felt betrayed because she trusted you all the way and without her knowing you are falling for him. Just give her space and time she needed. She'll talk to you sooner.
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Romeoagain
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 5:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah,, the most common mistakes we all do.. We should just the relationship grow. Saying is not the only way to express love... You could have showed her how much you care for her by "doing" and let her fall in love with you. Oh too bad Sad
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