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Where do I go from here?

 
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BrokenDown
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 10:12 am    Post subject: Where do I go from here? Reply with quote

I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, they were the best 2 years of my life. I know that it sounds stupid because im only 19, but the time spent with him was the most incredible times for me. We talked about getting married, he said he wanted to marry me, we we're going to have 2 kids.. Our relationship was put to the test, and we got through it, I dont know how we did but we did.. At least I thought we did, I went on holidays for 5 weeks and in that 5 weeks he lost a family member and I found out I was pregnant and had a miscarriage in that same week. I held off telling him about the baby because I thought I was doing the right thing. I ended up telling him when I came back and he was supportive of me, we got through it.. We were broken up during the time between me getting home and telling him about the baby, it was about a 2 week break up then we finally got back together, we both said this was the last chance cause previously we broke up twice and got back together but this was it for us.. I thought things were going great! But boy was i wrong. 1 month 1 week earlier I spent the night at his house on the weekend like i usually do, I thought I was in heaven, I got back the person I loved.. The next weekend I found myself dumped, and till this day I do not know why. He says he's been through alot and he's changed. What kind of excuse is that? So its been a month and a week and in that time I've wished many times I didn't lose the baby, I go to sleep every night praying he'll take me back. I've cut myself to take the pain away but he found out and made me feel horrible. Theres something wrong with me, im sick and the doctors dont know whats wrong with me so it just makes everything 10 times worse.. The only thing thats stopping me from doing serious harm to myself is that I couldn't do that to my parents but not a day goes by that I dont look at a knife and just think I should do it and the pain will stop. No one knows what im going through, I cant talk to my friends, i've tried and all I get in return is me me me I went through the same thing blah blah they aren't helping.. So here I am, im turning to complete strangers in some hope that you will help me.. Please, im desperate
Christmas is making everything so much worse
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loveable88
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 4:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi

I know how you feel bout cutting i went through a period of that for bout 2 years only my friend helped me through it although i ended up almost losing my best friend over it. I ended up goin to the doctors and told him what was up and he reffered me to a therapist I went there for about a year and a half and believe me it helped alot. Cutting can only do so much for you in turn it will become addictive and you will do it more and more. Only thing that stopped me from hurting myself was becuase I seen what it done to my friend how annoyed and worried she was. Its a good thing that your parents are keeping your from doing it cus you dont want to put them through pain

I used to read this quote alot "death can solve all problems" yes it can for yourself but in turn the people you leave behind may in turn be really upset aswell. As for your X bf put him aside there are always other guys out there I no the feeling bout liking someone as I was in love with my best friend for yrs (still am kind of she dont no it but) so i no it can be hard 2 let go. there is always people haunted by one thing or another in life but bury that deep in your head so u can forget about it. try your best to forget about your X bf once it happens you will c that its not really worth it to keep on thinking about the one person as there are plenty of other ppl in this world that could love u so much more and treat you so much better. some times tho talking to complete strangers is the best thing so i think any way. Dont worry about things and keep active to take your mind of things Cheer up everything will work out ok

Hope this helps
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First of all... I must say that is this is afterall just a fun discussion forum, not exactly the place to seek for professional advice... Well, maybe as what loveable88 said, it's not exactly a bad idea to seek help from a therapist...?

But anyway, I am sure loveable88 and myself would be most willing to be lend you our little ears... Wink

Now, death may seem like the ultimate solution to end things once and for all but well... it will lead to more sadness, hurting those loved ones... I know that you won't want to be hurting your loved ones, your mum & dad, your family... right? Wink And do pardon me for asking... You were saying that he actually found about the cutting? So how he actually reacted? What has he done for you? Well, is it worth hurting yourself for him? You might like to give it some thoughts?

And BrokenDown, the only thing that is stopping you is not only your mum and dad. Subconsciously, you have been telling yourself, "NO! I have to move on..." There is that will inside of you, to want to move on...

Now, everything in life happen for a reason. Why have you found your way here? Because you know you want to move on? Well, many friends here have indeed been through a lot in their relationship too but is now back on their feet, looking ahead...

And you definitely can too, BrokenDown.

Christmas can be a merry one still, if you choose to want it to be. I am sure that are many who love and care for you... To be spending it with your family and friends? That can just as wonderful too isn't it? Wink
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BrokenDown
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was really quite shocked when I logged on my computer at work hours ago and saw that people actually read my writing.. let alone left me messages.. although i couldnt get access to here at work cause of net nanny stupid thing.. i thank you for your replies Smile

I have thought about therapy, believe me I have.. But I dont know how to go about it? Where do I go? Do I seek help from my usual doctor first? like my GP doc?
I know I need to let him go, and as trashy as it probably sounds is.. I still see him, I still sleep with him.. I dont know why I do it.. Yeah its great but in the end im just hurting myself.. Its like I like to punish myself Sad

You guys are right about the cutting thing, I haven't done anything serious enough to put my life in danger cause Im scared of what ill have left behind for my family.. I didnt tell my ex I had been cutting.. A friend who isn't really my friend saw my wrists bandages up and he told my ex so my ex asked me.. At first he was really angry at me then he calmed down alot and started blaming himself, I understand that and it is his fault.. But he always, always has a way to make me out as the bad person and im constantly turning around saying sorry. He doesn't understand what he's done to me, hes really screwed me up. In the month we've been apart I've been really sick and the doctors dont know whats wrong with me and only today they think I might have cancer/lukemia and im so scared.. My ex and I made a promise that no matter how hard things got we would be honest about what was going on, particulary my health.. So I told him today that im getting tests done for cancer and he said that no matter what he would stick by me for as long as i wanted him to.. I dont know if im reading into things that aren't there but i feel special when he says things like that.. Or is he jsut feeling guilty cause he dumped me?

I just really dont know what to do, im miserable all the time.. I cant focus on anything but him
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heartbroken
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:867a37fe81="BrokenDown"]So I told him today that im getting tests done for cancer and he said that no matter what he would stick by me for as long as i wanted him to.. I dont know if im reading into things that aren't there [b:867a37fe81]but i feel special [/b:867a37fe81]when he says things like that.. Or is he jsut feeling guilty cause he dumped me?[/quote:867a37fe81]
And you should!
what I noticed about the 2 replies are that neither of them are telling YOU how to get HIM back.So I will address the situation...

I was in the same boat and I have helped many in the same boat as you.I know how you feel:
* depressed
* you have no self worth....betrayed even.Your either losing weight or gaining weight depending on how you react to a pressured situation.
* you sleep 3 hours a night if so much
* you have nightmares and you wake up sweating.

First of all STOP.Stop feeling sorry for yourself....because noone ESPECIALLY HIM is going to feel sorry for you.If you want to cut yourself then go ahead and finish the job,dont come on a forum and type about it.

Now that the harshness is out of the way lets go... Very Happy

Whenever someone breaks up with you you have to show them what they are missing out on.By grovelling and being @ there feet is NOT SHOWING THEM what they are missing out on.By doing negative things only concrete's in HIS HEAD why he does not want to come back to you.YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THAT BY NOT ALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
99.9999% of the time whenever a partner leaves you and you move onto someone else quickley,that partner WILL WANT YOU BACK.Its Human Nature...you always want what you can not have.

But none of what I am typing is telling you how to get him back...If you want him back you have to move on.Now your probably saying what?I dont want to move on?
YES YOU DO...YOU NEED TO DETACH YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY FROM HIM.THE SOONER YOU DO THAT,THE SOONER YOU WILL GET HIM BACK.
1. Get on talking terms with him
2. Do not grovel,beg or plead with him...your his friend,treat him how you would treat one of your girlfriends.DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP..its the past,leave it where it is.If he addresses it then fine,if he does not then you do not.Your boyfriend should be your best friend.So talk to him like he is your best friend.
3. Find someone else ASAP.Even if that person means nothing to you....just find someone else.
4. Start cutting ties with him,no text messaging,no phone calls,no emails.IF he calls you..call him back a day or 2 later.If he texts you...text him a couple of hours later and if he emails you dont respond.

Trust me when I say this.Right now he KNOWS he has you @ the palm of his hand and no guy likes that.They hate being bored....he wants a challenge.After 2 years you mean ALOT to him but he does not see it or feel it because your always up under his ass.He needs to know he has lost you.

You want to sleep @ night? Take 2 advil pm's.Go to the gym,cut your hair....get a new wardrobe.
With time (2-3 months) things will start going your way.They will not go your way today,tomorrow or the day after.

Xmas is around the corner so if you feel like send him a card...just a card..nothing more...nothing less.

Bribbing
Grovelling
begging
pleading
all that shit DOES NOT WORK.
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BrokenDown
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get what your saying about the slow responses to him but he's the kind of guy that if I was to do that then he'd think im done with him and we'd be through, wouldn't even be friends.. And with things the way they are, with my health I cant deal with that.. He's said before that he doesn't know if what the future holds for us, doesn't know if we'll get back together or not.. I doubt we will.. He thinks that ill eventually hate him if we cant get back, which is most likely true.. I've put my life on hold to stick by him.. and I know in my heart it wont happen.. Thats why Im so screwed up
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heartbroken
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:285f7c5dbe="BrokenDown"]I get what your saying about the slow responses to him [b:285f7c5dbe]but he's the kind of guy that if I was to do that then he'd think im done with him and we'd be through, wouldn't even be friends[/b:285f7c5dbe]..[/quote:285f7c5dbe]
Thats you kissing the ass of fear....

Let me ask you this.Have you told him how you felt face to face?Have you told him how much HE MEANS TO YOU?Have you asked him to please give the relationship another chance?
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BrokenDown
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 10:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I dont doubt that im scared.. He's all I've known for 2 years.. He took my independence, confidence and self esteem.

Yes, he knows how I feel about him and just what he means to me. He knows everything thats happened to me has been a direct response to what he done to me. I dont blame him for me cutting myself but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him dumping me.. He knows I want to be with him, give us another shot.. But the last time we broke up we both said that if it didn't work out that it was the end. I think he's scared. I dont know. He finds it hard to put whats in his head into words, he said he's not ready but how long do I have to put my life on hold
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heartbroken
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 10:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:6341366e10="BrokenDown"]I dont doubt that im scared.. He's all I've known for 2 years.. He took my independence, confidence and self esteem.[/quote:6341366e10]
No he did not.....thats what your percieving it to be.No one can take the above from you but yourself.The only thing he can take from you is your virginity.Everything else you can get back ..even the relationship.

[quote:6341366e10="BrokenDown"]
He knows I want to be with him, give us another shot.. But the last time we broke up we both said that if it didn't work out that it was the end. I think he's scared. I dont know. He finds it hard to put whats in his head into words, he said he's not ready but how long do I have to put my life on hold[/quote:6341366e10]
Then go to him and tell him you dont care how many times you 2 break up.Your in it for the long haul....there going to be down times and up times.
write down how you feel on paper and let him read it and ask him to do the same.That way he can take home the letter if need be and digest it.

Put your life on hold?Why do you have anything else better you want to do?
Look I will say this for the record.If he is not with anyone else then he is still in love with you.If he still has all your things then he is still in love with you.If he wants to be friends with you then he is still in love with you.
Build back the relationship....stop feeling sorry for yourself.
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BrokenDown
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 6:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Im not sure how to do the quote thing you done so bare with me.. In regards to your first quote...
How can I be that person I used to be? He said to me today that one of the main things that made him want me so bad was my strength and confidence. How am I supposed to get that back? I have no idea, how can I get it back but still show him I care about him Sad

I dont question he doesn't love me, I know he does.. But he thinks that sometimes love just isn't enough and I think thats crap, I will try what you said though, it seems like a good plan.. I have wrote down my feelings before and gave it to him maybe I should ask him to do the same..

Today he told me he would do the best he can for me in regards do me being sick.. And then when I asked to see him tonight he says he cant handle seeing me, how can he say he wants to help me but totally reject me like that.. I understand where he's coming from but all the time he boasts about putting others first and when I really need it he runs a mile Sad
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Was your strength and confidence...?"

Hmmm... so you were someone full of confidence? Well, if it is with you... it will always be. Your strength and confidence is just waiting to be awaken, BrokenDown. And one with confidence is always attractive to others... they are always like a magnet attracting others to them...

"how can you get it back but still show him you care about him...?" Hmmm... this shouldn't be a question asked by someone with confidence? I mean when you care for someone, you care from your heart... I don't think you really need confidence to care for someone?

Now, you can definitely get back your confidence, BrokenDown... be strong yeah? Wink
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fluffy23
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 11:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You need to get some serious help. There is light on the other side. If there is any chance of you two getting back together you're already ruining it. Why would he want to be with someone who cuts herself? That would scare any person. ESPECIALLY the guilt he might feel for "making" you do it. You need to be strong even if it requires outside help. Theres nothing wrong with it. Don't dig yourself into a hole. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back on your feet. [i:7fa8beac49]Its not easy[/i:7fa8beac49] but you need to do it.
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