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Should I ask for her back?

 
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saldelmundo
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 1:07 am    Post subject: Should I ask for her back? Reply with quote

I don't know if anyone here will take the time to read all of this from a complete stranger, but I feel like I can't talk about this with any of my friends... So I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and see if someone has sage advice for me.

Some background information:

I began dating this girl under strange circumstances last October. She was unhappily married and against my better judgment, I got involved with this woman in a purely physical relationship. But she turned out to be an amazing person, and our attraction was clearly more than physical, and in December, after she moved out of her husband's house, we took things to the next level and admitted we were in love with each other.

Things were pretty fantastic until march/april where the stress from other parts of our lives began to take it's toll on her relationship. Both of our careers were interfering with our personal lives, and another major sticking point was the pressure/stress from her son's father (ex husband). She felt like her relationship with me was interfering with her ability to be a good mom (or at least, he made her feel that way), and also she began to feel that it was just too soon after her marriage to be involved with someone so seriously... I couldn't really argue with that one, so we split up.

I moved on right away, dated many other women, and we stayed in touch as friends, but eventually after a couple months, she contacted me to say that she still felt the same way about her situation, and didn't want to get involved to the level that we were again, but she really missed the physical part of our relationship and wondered if we could go back to the way things were before we were in a relationship (ie. late night booty calls 2-3 times a week), and of course, as a guy, although it probably wasn't the best idea, I took her up on it.

So that went on for a couple months, but eventually we stopped, we didn't really talk about why, but I have the feeling she was seeing someone else and wanted to see where that would go, and we even lost touch as friends for a while. In the last month we began speaking again, and really sharing some intimate thoughts with eachtoher, but always dancing around the issue of anything between us. Over the last week or so I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I realized that every girl I've dated since her (and there have been plenty), I have measured against her, and dismissed them accordingly, she's the one I still want, she's the one I still dream about, no woman ever seems to live up to her, I miss her, and I miss her son, I think about being with her almost every day.

We had been trying to get together for dinner to talk and catch up but it just didn't happen... A week ago on the night of my birthday, she was supposed to come meet me and my friends at the bar but didn't... at around 2am I sent her a text that said "I effin miss you" She is flying home for the holidays tomorrow so today I asked if I could come by and drop off the presents I had for her and her son. I wrote the following in a Christmas card for her:

[i]I hope that (boy's name) gift brings him lots of joy without bringing you too many hadaches. I didn't think that through too well when I bought it. I just listened to my inner 5 year old that screamed "I want it!!"

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. You need it and deserve it. I'm sorry for the drunk txt I sent you on my birthday but even when sober, the sentiment is true. I miss you a lot. I'm nervous about seeing you when I give you this because I still care about you.

In a way I'm glad that we stopped seeing eachother the way that we were because it was eating me up inside that I couldn't have more of you. The brief romance we had this time last year was the most intense and most real form of love that I've ever experienced and losing that has made me un-whole where nothing was missing before.

I didn't intend on writing this, and I guess when I see you, I'll decide whether it's a good idea to give it to you. Anyway, hopefully this doesn't preclude you from wanting to stay friends because I'll always love and respect you as a warm, caring, funny, intelligent, sarcastic, and savvy friend.

But the truth is, if you ever wanted to give us another chance, I would give up the single life to do it in a heartbeat. All you have to do is ask.

Like I said, when I put the pen to this card, I had every intention of being brief and platonic but I guess I just decided to be real and let you know that you've been on my mind a lot lately.

If any of this makes you feel akward, I'm truly sorry and I hope you forgive me. But if theres anything in you that is happy to hear this and wonders what it would be like to be with me again, please be real with me and let me know.

Love, (me)[/i]
[/i]

So when I got to her house, I gave her a hug and talked briefly about the present I got for her boy. I gave her both gifts but I held onto the card, I was too scared to give it to her. I don't know if I'm just being sappy and lonely because it's the holidays and if I really mean it. Or if it would potentially screw up any chance we have of being friends. I have never gone back to a girl before, I've always moved on pretty easily, I don't know why I can't just do the same here. I've always loved being single, I date a lot, I have a lot of lady friends, I just don't know why I can't get her off my mind.

The question is... do I mail this card to her? Do I ask to meet her after she gets home from her trip to deliver it in person? Or do I just put it away in a box in my closet as something to look back on and chuckle about in 5-10 years. Suck it up, and move on?

Thanks in advance to any of you that take the time to actually read all this.
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sophowiets
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The fact that you wrote these things down made it easier to let our your true feelings. She needs to know how you feel and that card will be the best way

Even if things dont work out as you say it is something that can be looked upon in years time gone by

She might need that, or she needs to know you care to know what to do. Wether or not to be with you x
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saldelmundo
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Joined: 15 Dec 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 8:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for taking time to read and reply... but this chapter in my life is over with.

Long story short, I asked for her back, she was nervous but ecstatic, we got back together and things were fantastic for about a month. The old flame was there and burning brighter than ever, I couldn't have been happier. Until I discovered that she was still sleeping with at least one, maybe two of the guys she was dating before I came back around, the whole time we were together.

Good news is, now I know, and will never have to wonder about her again.
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sophowiets
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dont I feel like an idiot givin you advice on something thats finished
well at least you know now
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saldelmundo
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't feel like an idiot, it was an old post... and at least you actually replied, no one else here did even when it was relevant Smile
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