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I have a dilemma

 
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rachey88
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Joined: 23 Jan 2009
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:52 pm    Post subject: I have a dilemma Reply with quote

I really need some honest advice... please keep it serious because I am just really worried and don't know how to handle this.

I am engaged. I haven't told my mother yet, but I know she's got a pretty good idea about what's going on.
I had dinner with a good friend the other night and she kind of had the same problem and she and her mother had a huge falling out about her and her boyfriend (of 4 years). She told me just to tell my mom... and just sit her down and tell her everything. Because after this semester of school I am moving back to Tulsa and getting married and moving in with Tim. I am still going to go to school. I am going to get my degree if it kills me! But I am just going to have to do it part time until I know that we are on our feet. I have really thought about this a prayed about it and I am happy there and I am not stressed out. And I know in my heart that's where I am supposed to be right now!

Here's the dilemma... How do I tell my mom all this? Without it 1. breaking her heart. 2. making her angry. 3. making her tell me no.
Because I want her to support me and be there for me when something goes wrong... to be happy for me that I found the one who I can be happy with for the rest of my life.
Please help me!!!
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stp23
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 4:45 am    Post subject: Re: I have a dilemma Reply with quote

Talk with her. You might break her heart,it might make her angry ...and she might tell you no, but....you still need to inform her. Regardless of how she reacts to the news, hopefully she'll be your support. Be courageous and upfront. But, also be prepared to listen to her opinion too.
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Lisa843
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Joined: 17 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 1:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you should talk with her....
but may I ask....how old are you?? Is there any reason WHY you think your mom would not be supportive?? I know it's "romantic" to think about being engaged or married...but how will you support yourselves? Do you have a good plan?? Have you and your guy really talked about what direction and what all you want out of life, etc. Reality has a way of setting in...especially when the bills start rolling in and all that....just a thought.
good luck with all that. hope you keep us posted. take care. Wink
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Themaddesthatter
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If your mother is really a MOTHER she will love you regardless of any situation that in a sense is a positive...I hope your marriage works out for you sincerely.
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rachey88
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Lisa843"]I think you should talk with her....
but may I ask....how old are you?? Is there any reason WHY you think your mom would not be supportive?? I know it's "romantic" to think about being engaged or married...but how will you support yourselves? Do you have a good plan?? Have you and your guy really talked about what direction and what all you want out of life, etc. Reality has a way of setting in...especially when the bills start rolling in and all that....just a thought.
good luck with all that. hope you keep us posted. take care. Wink[/quote]

I am 21. I think yes she will be supportive, but I think she just doesn't want to lose me. Because for the past 5 years it's just been me and her. We helped each other and we became more than just mother/daughter, we became close friends.
He is a mechanic, he owns a shop and does really well! I am planning on going to school part-time and helping him with the shop. After that I plan on getting a photography career off the ground. We have talked about the future for about 6 months now. We plan on renting an apartment together and then we want to get married then settle down for a couple years... then we plan on buying a house after we've saved a lot and make a big down payment. Then after that we plan on having a family. We have really planned where we want to be in 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years. We are both very committed... and we just really want to take this relationship to the next level... but we want to live together while we're engaged and really make sure that we can make it together... make sure we get along like we always have and really make sure that this is what we want. He's been through this before and so have I and we know what we want and we know what we want to avoid. I know I am young but I know what I want... and I know what my heart is telling me. I just don't want to hurt my mom.
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Lisa843
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

rachey
I can certainly understand your mom not wanting to "lose" you. I go through that with my own kids. It's very hard to "let go"

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder and have thought things out and have good plans.

Just be patient with ya mom....I'm sure she will supportive and understanding...once she sees you are in good hands and realizes she is not really losing you....but YOU are growing up...and she has to face the inevitable....sooner or later.

good luck with it all....

hope you keep us posted. Wink
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