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The sparks are gone....

 
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JenniB
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Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:17 pm    Post subject: The sparks are gone.... Reply with quote

Hey all.

My current BF and I have had a long history together. A 4 year tumultuous relationship.

I had some female health concerns in 2004, which made me tend to neglect him. He always wants sex and I just couldn't offer it at that time. He says that I neglected him and in turn it forced him to go to another woman for intimacy.

Right or Wrong?

We spent 9 months apart and have been recently trying to reconcile. Things are ok. Everything is fine when we are cuddling or watching tv, but when it comes down to the sex I am having a difficult time staying in the moment. I am unsure of what to do. We have a 3 year old son and he loves having us both together and I care for him I just am unsure of what is happening.

any thoughts or advice?
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Kemaree
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Joined: 19 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 12:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is no excuse for cheating. None whatsoever. You forced me into another womans arms is totally stupid. If he loved you, he would support you, not look elsewhere for sex.
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Broken Rainbow
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Joined: 10 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, sounds like he really cares about your health..... Confused That's horrible of him to blame you for his infidelity when you were going through a period he should have tried to help you through by being understanding.
He's an idiot.
Don't stay with him just because you have a child together. And I'm sure you love him but it takes alot more than love to make a relationship work. Trust, COMPASSION, honesty, compatibility, etc. He may eventually come to his senses and realize what he did and said was wrong but you really have to take charge for that to happen. He doesn't deserve a good woman in my opinion.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 1:39 pm    Post subject: Re: The sparks are gone.... Reply with quote

[quote:ec29c677a3="JenniB"]Hey all.

My current BF and I have had a long history together. A 4 year tumultuous relationship.

I had some female health concerns in 2004, which made me tend to neglect him. He always wants sex and I just couldn't offer it at that time. He says that I neglected him and in turn it forced him to go to another woman for intimacy.

Right or Wrong?

We spent 9 months apart and have been recently trying to reconcile. Things are ok. Everything is fine when we are cuddling or watching tv, but when it comes down to the sex I am having a difficult time staying in the moment. I am unsure of what to do. We have a 3 year old son and he loves having us both together and I care for him I just am unsure of what is happening.

any thoughts or advice?[/quote:ec29c677a3]

No you were not wrong. You had female health concerns. Even I can understand that.. Guys and their one track minds. Me.. me.. me.. got to have it now or I'll just bust..die or whatever. lol Rolling Eyes Don't let any man do this to ya. Take care of you first.
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JenniB
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Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 1:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I took your advice.
I left and didn't look back.
He claims to still love me and
want to make me happy.
I don't trust him.
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Ianc
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Joined: 08 May 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well sounds like you already made your mind up. I'm not going to defend him, but only you two can determine whether your future is worth working for. Infidelity is something that many people would never tolerate - I don't honestly know if I would give my partner a second chance if I found out she'd cheated on me - but no-one can tell me whether I should or not.

Even if you did try to work it out - maybe you'd need to consider counseling. You'd both have to understand that trust takes time to rebuild - and maybe some things are never the same again. But there may be other factors. Was it really just health concerns or were you not compatible sexually? When you say 'He always wants sex' - I guess that means that at least from your point of view - he wants it more than you. You didn't force him to do anything - he chose to. But most people wouldn't have an affair just because their sex life was on hold for a temporary reason.

You said you were having difficulty with sex after your reconciliation but that cuddling was ok. Well that was a start and I guess that next step is one you weren't ready to make at that time. Maybe you tow just weren't communicating - I have no way of knowing whether he was remorseful or what his feelings are for you - but it appears that you wanted to try again.

My only advice would have been to make sure that you both have a chance to communicate what you really feel and to work out whether there's enough left to make it worth trying. That may be something you could only achieve thru a professional counselor. I don't advocate a couple staying together just for the sake of a child - it really comes down to what you really want out of life now though. You can't change the past but it is possible to deal with it if you really want to and if you think he's worth it.

Whatever happens - I hope you are reconciled within yourself. There are no absolute right or wrongs - only our perceptions and our feelings matter.
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Brandon
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 8:01 pm    Post subject: Re: The sparks are gone.... Reply with quote

[quote:6953ccefdd="JenniB"]Hey all.

My current BF and I have had a long history together. A 4 year tumultuous relationship.

I had some female health concerns in 2004, which made me tend to neglect him. He always wants sex and I just couldn't offer it at that time. He says that I neglected him and in turn it forced him to go to another woman for intimacy.

Right or Wrong?

We spent 9 months apart and have been recently trying to reconcile. Things are ok. Everything is fine when we are cuddling or watching tv, but when it comes down to the sex I am having a difficult time staying in the moment. I am unsure of what to do. We have a 3 year old son and he loves having us both together and I care for him I just am unsure of what is happening.

any thoughts or advice?[/quote:6953ccefdd] It's hard to lay beside him (muchless have sex) knowing that he has cheated on you, which I can understand. I wonder how he would like it if you went to another guy, because he couldn't make it with you for some medical reason?
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~Angel~
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 12:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:8398689bb2="JenniB"]I took your advice.
I left and didn't look back.
He claims to still love me and
want to make me happy.
I don't trust him.[/quote:8398689bb2]

I missed the original post, but good for you. You really don't need all that drama in your life.

Since it's been a little bit...how are you doing?
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pedro_9k6k
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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 4:59 pm    Post subject: Dating Reply with quote

Hi, it was a fantastic dating advice that you shared with us.
Thanks a lot!
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