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I know other woman must also have this problem?

 
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Buck
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 10:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm...first of all, I don't believe that your husband has become so use to masturbating to pornography that he cannot climax through regular sex. He has a way that will work for him but has an unwilling partner. This apprehension is probably killing the mood.
He has likely become bored with "regular" sex, whatever that is, and wants to experiment with new ideas. The fact that he has told you about his fantasies and ideas tells me that you have an otherwise trusting relationship and he is reaching out to you in hope of you helping him fulfill those fantasies.

You offer that you may leave to find someone else, to find a romantic man who can make love to you normally.

I'm sure he feels the same way about his desires.

You two must get together and talk about your needs and differences and come up with some sort of arrangement that will make both of you happy.Your sexual endeavours should never be forced or expected. You should lovingly want to please your man and he should do the same for you.

He has told you what he wants, have you told him what you want?
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 1:48 pm    Post subject: Re: I know other woman must also have this problem? Reply with quote

[quote:649cc802c6="Lonely4Love"]We've been married for 32 years. My problem is that my husband has become so use to masturbating to pornography that he cannot climax through regular sex. When we do try to have sex he wanta me to role play with him. He wants me to talk to him in ways in which I feel uncomfortable. He wants to pretend like we are with another man and this man won't let him touch me unless I make him. He says it's just a fantasy that sexually excites him and that he would never want another man to be with us and he'd never touch a man but I'm sorry all this makes me very uncomfortable and as such I cannot have sex with him. I feel like he can never have sex again without using pornography to arouse him. I would love to go back to "making love" but I just don't see it happening. I love my husband but I'm also lonely for intimate contact. I would never cheat but it makes me feel as though once our youngest (now 19) is out of the house I may leave to find someone else. I want a romantic man who can make love to me normally. Thanks for reading.[/quote:649cc802c6]

AW, that is so sad. He wasted is time and love on women that didn't give him any to start with. Rolling Eyes To look at porn is one thing, but it should never come before your gf or wife. I try not to go there myself and put the ones I love first in my heart always. He needs help, and I hope he goes and gets help before he loses his family. Good luck and God bless !
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Lonely4Love
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 3:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:ffaf7163f6="Buck"]Hmmm...first of all, I don't believe that your husband has become so use to masturbating to pornography that he cannot climax through regular sex. [/quote:ffaf7163f6] He's my husband and I can tell you it's true. We've talked about it. Believe what you will.

[quote:ffaf7163f6]He has a way that will work for him but has an unwilling partner. [/quote:ffaf7163f6] I've tried going along with him he's still unable to climax through regular sex.

[quote:ffaf7163f6]Your sexual endeavours should never be forced or expected. You should lovingly want to please your man and he should do the same for you.[/quote:ffaf7163f6]

Correct. I don't enjoy being forced to act like something I am not. I want to lovingly please my husband but find it extremely difficult with porn between us. He should be able to give up his fantasies equally as often as he expects me to help him act them out.

I think your reply is spoken only from a man's perspective.
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Lonely4Love
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 3:11 am    Post subject: Re: I know other woman must also have this problem? Reply with quote

[quote:4ef646520e]AW, that is so sad. He wasted is time and love on women that didn't give him any to start with. Rolling Eyes To look at porn is one thing, but it should never come before your gf or wife. I try not to go there myself and put the ones I love first in my heart always. He needs help, and I hope he goes and gets help before he loses his family. Good luck and God bless ![/quote:4ef646520e]

Thank you sincerely. You are a kind and sensitive man.
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Buck
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:2ea9950c4c="Lonely4Love"]I think your reply is spoken only from a man's perspective.[/quote:2ea9950c4c]

That is the only perspective I can offer, for obvious reasons.

Perhaps some of the ladies here have dealt with this type of issue and can offer their ideas.

However, your husband simply has to try to slow down on the porn. The ball is in his court, so to speak.Make sure he understands the consequences if he continues.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:09 pm    Post subject: Re: I know other woman must also have this problem? Reply with quote

[quote:321c241173="Lonely4Love"]We've been married for 32 years. My problem is that my husband has become so use to masturbating to pornography that he cannot climax through regular sex. When we do try to have sex he wanta me to role play with him. He wants me to talk to him in ways in which I feel uncomfortable. He wants to pretend like we are with another man and this man won't let him touch me unless I make him. He says it's just a fantasy that sexually excites him and that he would never want another man to be with us and he'd never touch a man but I'm sorry all this makes me very uncomfortable and as such I cannot have sex with him. I feel like he can never have sex again without using pornography to arouse him. I would love to go back to "making love" but I just don't see it happening. I love my husband but I'm also lonely for intimate contact. I would never cheat but it makes me feel as though once our youngest (now 19) is out of the house I may leave to find someone else. I want a romantic man who can make love to me normally. Thanks for reading.[/quote:321c241173]

I agree in that your husband has to slow down in watching so much porn. It seems to me what he would like you to do is out of 1 of those porn movies. If you are uncomfortable doing it, I would talk w/him, if you haven't already. I personally wouldn't want to act the way actresses do in porn movies, it's just not my style or even WHO I am, so I can understand your not feeling comfortable on that.

Honestly, if you haven't by now, sit him down have a long talk w/him about his watching so much porn & how it seems by his request that he wants to inject the lifestyles in those movies into your marriage w/him & you are not comfortable w/it. Tell him too that he needs to cut back on the time he watches those movies as well, make sure he knows (if he doesn't by now) that he is putting a block up in your marriage.

Good luck to you & keep us posted!
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Lonely4Love
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Angel! It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling uncomfortable with that kind of role playing.


I do think the porn is 99% of the problem. I have no objection to watching it with him but that's not what he's interested in. I really think he could use a therapist for his addiction to porn.


Speaking of porn.....I think the above poster "weels" could use a boot from this forum along with his/her post. Doesn't belong!
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 12:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe seeing someone could be a good idea for your husband.

Unfortunately the spammers such as "wheels" come on here alot & post that nasty stuff in alot of threads. The admins will clean it up when they come on & see it, sure wish there was a way to block the spammers.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 1:07 pm    Post subject: Re: I know other woman must also have this problem? Reply with quote

[quote:a4d9e418e6="Lonely4Love"][quote:a4d9e418e6]AW, that is so sad. He wasted is time and love on women that didn't give him any to start with. Rolling Eyes To look at porn is one thing, but it should never come before your gf or wife. I try not to go there myself and put the ones I love first in my heart always. He needs help, and I hope he goes and gets help before he loses his family. Good luck and God bless ![/quote:a4d9e418e6]

Thank you sincerely. You are a kind and sensitive man.[/quote:a4d9e418e6]

Thank you very much.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 1:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I let you in on how I feel about porn. If I go there and get off (excuse me) on it, I feel that I am cheating on my mate. I might not be with the girl, but in my mind, I would be. I want my heart, soul, and my mind on the one that means the world to me. I want my lover to know she has my love 100% and she can trust me no matter what. I would want the same from her too.
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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 4:57 pm    Post subject: Dating Reply with quote

Nice thread! I really like your provided information. It's really helpful for me.
Thanks a lot!
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alexis
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 3:39 pm    Post subject: RE:I know other woman must also have this problem? Reply with quote

There are lot of ways to ones problems and you can solve them easily one you have better suggestions ….like the ones above…keep going mate Wink
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Rowdey
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:19 am    Post subject: Your not alone Reply with quote

Women marry men hoping they will change and they don't !!! Men marry women hoping they won't change and they do !!! What I mean by that is ----he has prbably always been like this , but something between you two has changed , and if your the one feeling it ----then you gotta be the one to start ----the topic of what ---with him . Because if ya just expect him to stop or change and he doesn't think anything is wrong or has changed ----your gonna hit a wall-----and that will just get thicker and thicker with time !!!
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qingren
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like this:

He has told you what he wants, have you told him what you want?
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