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is there still hope?

 
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lefty23
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Joined: 10 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 2:30 pm    Post subject: is there still hope? Reply with quote

I'm a male who recently separated after being married 8 years. For me, it was over a few years ago. Shortly after leaving, I a woman who I became quite attracted to. It came as a surprise as I was not out looking for a relationship....a friend maybe, but not a relationship.

We both know how a new relationship can distort your rational behaviour, and the newness of a relationship can bring on the "L" word prematurely. That said, it has been six months since I met this person and those strong feelings are still there. Here's the problem.

Although I was newly out of a relationship, she had been single for about six months. We both were not ready to "go public". I still had my legal issues to deal with as well as the family implications that a new relationship would have (i have kids, that I love and miss dearly). She was the one who said to not say anything to the ex or my family. So, we lived like it was an affair by staying in and not going out.

We truly enjoyed each other's company and grew very close. However, her own words and advice started to take its toll as she started to feel like the other woman even though she knew she was not. It came to a point where the relationship had to end as it was unbearable for her. I was prepared to break the news to everyone but she convinced me that I would be sorry in the end. She said I need to take the time and more importantly, my ex wife needs the time to heal. Plus, if she was ever to have a relationship with my child, we'd have to take this time.

Now, she feels somewhat resentful and hurt. We don't see each other, but she calls me about once a week to chat (lighhearted stuff). I'm getting mixed signals here....as I guy, I can't figure that out. She says she doesn't want to wait for me, so why is she staying in touch with me even if she says she doesn't want to see me?

Any thoughts?
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Graham668686
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We both were not ready to "go public". I've seen the reason why you may not have wanted to "go public" or was it all her idea? You said you were both not ready so what situation was she in that made her wanna keep the relationship between you two secret from everyone else? Did she have some issues with her ex that needed resolving or sorting?
I'm in a situation where I'm seeing a girl who is married and in the process of seperating. I must admit I'm finding it hard because I still don't know if she will actually seperate she says she's going through the processes but it just seems to go on. I can only go by what shes telling me but how long will I be able to wait without losing faith? Everything has been discussed between us of what we want and long term plans have been made. For you 2 had you made future plans? For me soon actions are gonna speak louder than words and all this is still secret on her side of the family apart from her mum but again its only what she's said which I can only put trust and faith in her.
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lefty23
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What was her issue for not going public? The main reason was looking out for me. She knew that if it got back to my ex it would make the separation difficult and more vengfull on the ex's part. She said my ex needed time to heal, even though I have moved on.

However, she didn't want to see her ex crushed my seeing her moving on right away as well. That gave me a comfort zone knowing she felt the same way and was going through the same thing. Shortly after, he found someone and that changed things. All of a sudden she felt like the other worman. She never once pressured me to make an announcement. In fact, she said the opposite. It is a long process. I wish I could fast forward a lot of it but it does take time.
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lefty23
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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2007 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I got my answer. I met up with her recently to try and get some closure on this so that I can let go and move on. The truth told, I was actually only there to comfort her through the Christmas holidays....it was her first one alone. Once January came, she got cold feet and drifted away. The "going public" issue was only second to a larger reason.

Tough stuff, huh.
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JulietJules
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 4:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

geez that was harsh. Well best of luck in your future relationship Very Happy




Jules
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smoothoperator
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 8:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why don't you give it a chance? You'll never know unless you try it.

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lefty23
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Give what a chance? She admitted that she thought she loved me when in fact she got caught up in the moment and excitement of having someone spend Christmas with them. Once the season was over, so was I.
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