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sexless in Chicago

 
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virginwife
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Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 2
Location: Chicago

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 1:19 am    Post subject: sexless in Chicago Reply with quote

My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years. I wish this were a joke, but we have not had sex once since we were married! He is so sweet otherwise, and I don't want a divorce. He keeps saying that he is stressed out at work or has some other lame excuse. Is there any herb I can take to get rid of my sex drive? I am starting to consider having an affair. I don't think he is gay or cheating, I just get the feeling he has absolutely no libido whatsoever. The most I ever get is cuddling. Sad
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armymom1boy
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
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Location: South Carolina

PostPosted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was watching the Gregg Behrendt (sp??) show today and there was this married couple on there who the guy didn't want to have sex with his wife unless there was another woman around. Maybe this is not your case but I am just setting up the advice he gave her! He simply said that a man has to be attracted to his wife in order to want to have sex with her. not saying you are not attractive, I bet you are a very beautiful woman. It is not you it is him. This is something you need to sit down and have a very serious talk with him about. There are 4 simple questions that need to be answered...

What is our History, good or bad?
Do we trust each other?
Do we respect each other?
Do we deel adored by each other?

If you get hurt by these answers or feel they are just a cover up you know what you need to do.

I hope all works out for you in the end.
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thatguy
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
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Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 5:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My advice would be to consider what you want for the rest of your life. If you can't address this with him, are you happy to live in chastity ? If you're not, you should talk to my wife, she deals with it just fine....

Anyhow, you need to talk to him about it. A man who doesn't want sex in 8 days, has a problem. 8 years, forget about it. If there's not someone else, my money is on him being gay. Seriously, are you sure he's straight ? Did you have sex before marriage ?
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virginwife
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Joined: 20 Dec 2006
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Location: Chicago

PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 10:43 am    Post subject: cut off after wedding Reply with quote

[quote:e51a935026="thatguy"]My advice would be to consider what you want for the rest of your life. If you can't address this with him, are you happy to live in chastity ? If you're not, you should talk to my wife, she deals with it just fine....

Anyhow, you need to talk to him about it. A man who doesn't want sex in 8 days, has a problem. 8 years, forget about it. If there's not someone else, my money is on him being gay. Seriously, are you sure he's straight ? Did you have sex before marriage ?[/quote:e51a935026]

We did have sex before we were married, but after the wedding it stopped. Whenever I ask about it, he says he is tired or stressed, and that it's not me. I can scream or cry and still get nowhere. It's like sex is some huge chore, not something pleasurable.
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Honey
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Joined: 02 Apr 2007
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Location: UK

PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 10:47 am    Post subject: HI Reply with quote

I couldn't stay with a guy if they was no sex ok sex isn't everything but it helps
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thatguy
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 6:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK - I have to say, I'm giving advice based entirely on being in the exact same situation ( well, we DO have sex, but only because I complain until we do ). Like Honey said, sex isn't everything, but it sure as hell is *something*. I'm personally at a point of saying that while I do love my wife, if there's not going to be any sex, then I don't see any reason why I should feel compelled to be faithful, and I'm not the sort of person to cheat, I'd rather just say 'I'd like to be your friend, but you're obviously not willing to be my wife'.
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Honey
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Joined: 02 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:6b59f76ba7="thatguy"]OK - I have to say, I'm giving advice based entirely on being in the exact same situation ( well, we DO have sex, but only because I complain until we do ). Like Honey said, sex isn't everything, but it sure as hell is *something*. I'm personally at a point of saying that while I do love my wife, if there's not going to be any sex, then I don't see any reason why I should feel compelled to be faithful, and I'm not the sort of person to cheat, I'd rather just say 'I'd like to be your friend, but you're obviously not willing to be my wife'.[/quote:6b59f76ba7]

Thanks
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 1:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aw Sad
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Ocean
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 1:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yOU GOT TO DIVORCE HIM.
No marriage is legaly valuable if it had not be consumated, meaning if you do not had sex.
Then the marriage is not legal, it doesnt exist, it is first legitimate after the fist ight of sex, and specialy in the religious understanding of marriage, it is written in the bible, marriage had to be consumate by having sex, if not, it can be broken just like that, has no religious legitimity.
Now for the other part, get him to see a specialist, a therapist, that he didnt yet is scandalous.
maybe he is gay and you dont know it.
That he had no libido is something he will have known before marriage and should have informed oyu about. He didnt, meaning he is really mean!

He must go to therapy, do something about it cause it is so egoistic from him to treat you that way.
go to see a consulent, and push him to see a therapist.
He should have doen so long ago even before marriage, that he didnt not even after and for over i8 years!!! Shocked show that he doesnt love you enough.
I think you shoulkd drop him, you are damaging yourself.
You ddint married God to become a sister, you married a man to make a family, if he didnt wanted that he should have informed you of that long before marriage.
Say this to him, and ask him why he never mentioned this to you and crave for him to go to therapy to found out what is wrong with him and ask him why he doesnt want to have sex with you and if he is gay.
I think he is.
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saralee
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Joined: 21 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2007 3:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, before you divorce him, I hope you get some counseling. There are sex therapists that could really help. If he isn't willing to go, you might need to get some counseling on your own to figure out what your next step is. Try reading the Sex Starved Marriage (at divorcebusting.ccm)...I thought it had some great insights on couples that have different sex drives (although in your case, he has no sex drive....or acts like he doesn't). Good luck
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