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love him so much it hurts

 
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cdubsbabii
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 7:33 pm    Post subject: love him so much it hurts Reply with quote

my boyfriend & i have been together for over a year & half now, i love him more then anythin. i really want to spend the rest of my life with him. he really is an amazing boyfriend, he treats me like his princess but lately i dont know. he quit his job a few months ago and started working at his part time job more. im used to him workin a lot but lately its been too much, thats all he ever does anymore, that he doesnt have as much time for me. i know he working hard for our future but i need time now too. he used to make soooo much more time for me, now i just feel like i just get whatever time is leftover, if that makes any sense. i know we have our problems but we're perfect together, i dont want anyone but him. he says that im his number 1 but it doesn't feel that way. i just wish he'd realize how much it hurts, i would do anything for him and i try to but it doesnt even feel like he tries. im always upset, pissed off and frustraded at him lately and then it makes us get into this stupid fights. i dont want to be mad at him, but i can help it. i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me, but i don't know how to fix this!! i need some advice!! please help me!!!


Thank u
Danielle
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Could you please tell us your age so we can better advise you in this?
I think you should tell him that, and ask him how you could make some better plan together so you have some good time together, even if it isnt as often as it was before.
For exemple one day off in a week will be better than some few hours stollen here and there during the week.
Maybe you should go where he work so you got a better idea of how it is for him. You speak about he is working for your future together.
Are you 2 married?
Did he told you oyu were going to be?
Are you living together already?
Because if it isnt the case, then I dont see why you are making plans like that.
Better enjoy the moment now of being together than spoiling it all for some unreal, anticipation of the future together. its certainly not going to happen that way.
The most important is the foundation, and not the economical foundation, but the emotional bonds.
As friends and lover. When those are going fine you can work plans for the future, but why waisting the reason why you want to be togehter by working his azz out to ensure this future who will not exist because he miss you out by not being there for you now because he works for the future????
tell him he better be in the present, and that money doesnt count, and get a job too so this way you will both could be together and you will not be so frustrated when you are not with him because you will be busy doing something else yourself.
You said you known him only for a year and after a year he begun that, so talk with him about what you both want with your future and now, and why he needs to work so much.
Maybe you should both take it easy, the future will still be there it aint going anywhere, so better enjoy osme more of the present instead of waisting it for the holly future..
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cdubsbabii
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Im 19 and he's 22, we don't live together yet, we plan on moving in together as soon as im done with college which will be within the year. Were trying to save up for a place. Ive already talked to him about how i feel, he knows we need more time together right now, but everytime we plan on it something always happens or hes too tired from everything. hes just to busy for me in his life, i hate that feeling so much. his mom is always on his ass about payin his bills and stuff and that stresses him out even more, he's only 22. i guess i don't get it bcos i am still in school and my parents don't want me working so i can focus on school, but i still don't think it should be like this.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 8:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I has to pay his bills..so his mum is right in what she does, or he will be in serious trouble.
From what i read you are both living with your mum and dad, have never tried to live on your own, have no idea of what it means and what come with it, and if his mum has to be after him for him to pay his own bills, then it means also that he isnt mature enough to can live on his own and take charge of a life when its only him who has to take care of all those things, and paying your bills in time is only a little part of it. But if you dont you are going to be much more stressed out than by having mummy telling you to do so!
So if having his mum after him to pay his bills stresses him out, then I think he is very imature. Frist he should pay his bills on his own and in tie without anybody telling him to do so. If his mum is after him, must be because he is unable to do so on his own and still need someone to kick him before he do so..
Not good.
I think you should concentrate on college and on getting yourself an education, because you are both veryyoung and got time to see what you really want with your life.
You can ask him to quit his job, but can he? and if he cant then oyu have to live with not seeing him so much. Can you?
If he has to work to pay bills he has, then it isnt about your future together. Cant you be together during the weekends then? Isnt it enough for you? and talk over the phone the rest of the time?
Being too busy for quality time together is also part of the life as an adult, i you want to stay with him you have to ask yourself if you are ready to accept things as they are or if you want to move on and found someone else who will have time for you.
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cdubsbabii
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i understand what your saying but he doesnt need his mom to tell him anything. he knows he has to pay his bills on time, and he always does, she is obsessive about it and doesn't need to be. he doesnt need to be stressed about it. thats part of the problem. thanks for advice but your really making it bigger then it really is. so what that were young, we both know what we want and thats each other. we'll make it on our own and show everyone, im sorry to say but i really don't care what you think about my boyfriend, i know my boyfriend can take care of him self, he isn't immature, and i have totally faith in him, that he'll be able to take care of us. thanks anyway.
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good luck with everything ! Very Happy
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can only speak from what you said, and when you only tell that his mum was so much after him to pay his bills, I had to understand that it was because he didnt do so, or what should she be after him then?
Now you said she is obsessive, alright then thats why.
But he just have to move from home then.
I am not critisising you , you come here to ask for advice, you seems to have a problem, but now you seems to dont have any.
If you are so sure and know you 2 have each others, and you are going to make it, then there isnt any problem, is it?
I dont think anything about your bf, i dont know him at all.
And you do not need nor have to show anything to everybody, it is your life and his life and you are going to make something together and thats all.
I told you that the alone thing you can do is to ask him to drop his job or part of it and if he cant then learn to live with it, and arrange to be together during the weekends, or at least one day during the week.
And if he cant then you have to see if it is really what you want for yourself. If it is, then good luck with it, it might change later when you will live together.
You ddint said why he has to work so much nor if he is free during the weekends so i dont know exactly what you mean by not enough time for you.
Given that you want so much to stay with him and have already talk to him about this problem and that he isnt willing to change on that, the alone thing you can do is to accept it.
And maybe use the phone more often when you cannot see each others, if he has time to do so.
I understand it must be frustrating so young to have a bf who is busy working most of the time and when not working is dead tired from work.. Sad it doesnt give you much of love and caring and sharing together to build this relationship you have.
If he choose work and future, instead of the present and what you too have and to care for it, then ask him what is the most important.
But maybe this situation is momentan and ment to change in a year when you 2 will be living together. You didnt said a word about that either.
If its momentan then you only have to be patient and wait until you2 are living together and hold on until then.
As I said before, just cool down, he isnt going anywhere and seems to do all this for your best. he isnt not seeing you because he go with friends all the time or dont want to see you but because he is working, and if i understood you rigth , he is working much more than before so that the 2 of you can move together in an appartement or house when the year will be over.
Be patient, and try to enjoy the moment you have together as much as you can, by not reproaching him the time you are not together, and just focusing on feeling good together.
You can or leave him or bare with him. And to bare with him, you will have to found the strength to be patient for the year this will take.
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:7bb75d2585="cdubsbabii"]i understand what your saying but he doesnt need his mom to tell him anything. he knows he has to pay his bills on time, and he always does, she is obsessive about it and doesn't need to be. he doesnt need to be stressed about it. thats part of the problem. thanks for advice but your really making it bigger then it really is. so what that were young, we both know what we want and thats each other. we'll make it on our own and show everyone, im sorry to say but i really don't care what you think about my boyfriend, i know my boyfriend can take care of him self, he isn't immature, and i have totally faith in him, that he'll be able to take care of us. thanks anyway.[/quote:7bb75d2585]

It could be the reason he is working so hard at the moment is because in addition to paying his bills he wants to save up for the place that you 2 will share when you are done w/school. Have you talked w/him about his working so much?

Best advice...hang in there w/him. You know him best & know your situation best. It WILL get better though, this could be the "rough spot" that all different relationships go through at times. This could be your
"rough spot" & once it's over things will be back to normal or hey even better than before!

Take care & good luck! Smile
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cdubsbabii
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

we had a real long talk last night and were going to try and change things a little bit. Even though he knew i was upset about him working so much, he had no idea it was effecting me so much. so he's going to try and make more of an effort to make more time for me and us. we know our futures important too but we really need to focus more on now, even if we aren't able to get our own place as soon as we would like, it still will be ok. i feel a lot better now that we've talked, thanks a lot for the advice!!


Thanks again,
Dani xoxo
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT THINGS GOT SETTLED FOR YOU SO SOON!

I had no idea you 2 hadnt talkt together about it before... I thought you had done so often...
Good that you did so now, and that he was so pen about it.. seee, sometimes thats just a communication problem and nothing more.
He just needed to know it, its like his needs are not the same as yours and he diddnt realised at all what was the matter.
I hope for you anyway that it will not mean you will have to wait too long before being able to live together, but focusing more on the now and being happy together now, is definitly a good decision, and a betterment of the situation.

Good luck for the two of you, Dani! Very Happy Wink XOXOXO
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2007 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:bd0db3bf3d="cdubsbabii"]we had a real long talk last night and were going to try and change things a little bit. Even though he knew i was upset about him working so much, he had no idea it was effecting me so much. so he's going to try and make more of an effort to make more time for me and us. we know our futures important too but we really need to focus more on now, even if we aren't able to get our own place as soon as we would like, it still will be ok. i feel a lot better now that we've talked, thanks a lot for the advice!!


Thanks again,
Dani xoxo[/quote:bd0db3bf3d]

Very good, I'm glad to read that you had a talk w/him & he understands & you both will try to make some changes to make your relationship even stronger! Good for you! Smile

Take care & I wish you both the best! Smile
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PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love yourself more.


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