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Advice needed...

 
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LupinDrake
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Joined: 24 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 4:06 am    Post subject: Advice needed... Reply with quote

Hey everyone.

I have a situation that is not too out of the ordinary, but I am a little confused by it, and not sure what to do exactly...

Basically, I have known and been best friends with this guy (I'll call him Jacob for privacy's sake) since the sixth grade. That'd be about since 2002. He and I met through church, and last October, he asked me to his homecoming (we go to different schools).

Secretly, I have had a crush on him for about a year at that time, but I have been too shy to say anything, not to mention that I have never been that confident when it comes to relationships with guys because of teasing and sexual harassment from most of my male peers. Honestly, it is a miracle that I trust and love him like I do.

At the dance, we had an awesome time, and after the dance (and just having a good conversation with my mom after we got back), he kissed my on my doorstep in the classical chick-flick fashion. Not that I didn't enjoy it at all, it was quite the opposite. After that, we went on about two dates (we never really called them that out loud, but he did say, "That's what you do on a date" when he paid for my candy and ticket at a movie).

However, in January, I officially asked him out via email because I was confused about our relationship. I basically wanted to know if he wanted to officially go out with my like a boy/girlfriend thing, or if he just wanted to remain friends because I would rather be friends for life than loose him after two months of dating. In his reply, he said he wanted to, but due to some problems in his life concerning his father, he was just as confused and hesitant as I was.

So I agreed to wait, and I am just wondering what to do now. Should I continue waiting until he makes a move, or should I make one of my own? Is there anything I can do that will help him get over his issues, and the ones that I still have? Any advice would be most appreciated.

Thank you all so much!

~ Koki
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thatguy
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
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Location: Australia

PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 11:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds to me like you're both nervous and unsure how to proceed. If I were you, I'd be asking what the problem is with his father, and if he wants to talk about it. It sounds to me like he was giving you an 'in' to ask exactly that, so he can talk about it.

Overall, it sounds to me like one of you needs to be clear about how you're both feeling, to make things happen the way you're hoping.
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~Angel~
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree w/thatguy. Have a talk w/him about the things that are bothering him in regards to his father. Maybe having you to talk to about those things will help him & then he can move on & take your friendship to the next level.
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LupinDrake
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for replying everyone. I will talk to him about it next time I see him - if I can gather the courage first!

~ Koki
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XMDCCCXVIII
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Joined: 22 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 5:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Koki, this guy is lucky to have a friend like you who really cares about him!

This guy seems like a great friend, and it sounds as if you wouldn't want to lose that for anything. If he has problems at home, what he needs is a friend, especially in the crazy teenage years.

No matter what, be his friend. If there's any other kind of relationship that's to happen between you two, just let it happen. Don't let anything get in the way of your friendship though--that's worth a gazillion bucks.
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LupinDrake
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks... but I feel like the lucky one.

Most of my male peers, until about November 2005, have never been really nice to me. Since kindergarten, I have been bullied, occasionally beaten up, humiliated and sexually harassed. While it did not occur every day, there have been times where it has gotten really bad, and the police should have been brought in if I were brave enough to speak up.

I even had a stalker for about three and a half years...

The only male who I looked forward to seeing (who was also outside of my family) was "Jacob". Unlike others, he didn't tease me and he treated me like a normal human being. Over time, as we got closer, I gained more confidence in myself by being friends with him, and have made a lot of strides in overcoming my fears of the male population and my insecurities concerning them and relationships due to the fact that he was the first guy who gave me respect and trusted me as well.

I trust him with my life, and he is the only person whom I would not hesitate to die for. Everyone else gets three seconds XD. He is caring, sweet, kind, gets along with my family (and even doesn't mind my insane siblings or cats) and just a million other things. I don't even mind any of his little bad habits (like not that the street light turned green, but that doesn't happen often). Really, I am the one who is lucky to have been able to find and even know such a wonderful person.

~ Koki
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Ocean
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thats what happen when a subject like that get debated a bit.

As for the main subject, I think she will do fine, talking to that very good friend who know her so well, i think he also had the same as her in mind, and i recall someone before having posted about something similar, with a long tome friend/lover suddendly busy because of the sudden death of his father.
Here it isnt so drastic, but of course they can talk about it, and I am sure that he will enjoy dating her as an outlet for the problems at home.
And will be glad later on for her support when he needed it.
They will make a perfect dating couple knowing each others as they do.
Its a very sweet story if you ask me.

So good luck to you..
Very Happy
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