together several months, but something doesn't feel quite right
with your partner. You start wondering if he or she might be
having an affair. Is it jealousy, your imagination or just apathy
that is the result of long-term complacency with each other?
It can be hard to tell sometimes, but when in doubt go with
your gut and look for the following behaviors that might mean
your mate is having an affair.
partner might be having an affair if he or she is acting MORE
attentive than usual to you. If you are suddenly showered with
gifts and compliments in what almost seems like an inappropriate
manner, then he or she might be trying to make up for guilty
a sudden change in your partner's routine. Is he or she staying
out a lot longer than usual, not showing up for dinner or unaccountable
at times for his or her whereabouts? If your partner suddenly
alters his or her daily habits that too can be a sign of cheating.
partner is frequently picking fights with you, that might also
mean big trouble. The emotional logic behind this is that picking
a fight gives him or her to an excuse to fly out of the house
and possibly into the arms of the third party. That way the
cheating partner can deny guilty feelings and blame you instead.
If you are not to blame, a cheater will create a reason to justify
what he or she is doing to you.
might also become overly critical of you. This is part of an
agenda that once again, gives them an excuse to leave or justify
the affair. The guilty partner might also be overly sensitive
to criticism from you as there may be a ring of truth that triggers
guilty feelings that they would rather not face.
time you have fight your partner threatens you with ending the
relationship, you might also have a cheater on your hands. Your
lover feels safe with these ultimatums because they have another
person as "back-up" should the two of you decide to split up.
sign of cheating is a consistent negative attitude towards the
relationship and comments that make you feel as if you have
an expiry date inked on your forehead. This might include saying
such things as "I would like to travel next year." (with no
mention of a "we") or "You know I will always love you, even
if this ever ended."
lover becomes withdrawn and depressed, it could be that he or
she is brooding about what they have done and can't handle the
guilt. Sudden explosive displays of affection or anger can also
be a bad sign, as the partner might be transferring emotional
reactions from the infidelity onto you simply because you see
each other more often. In other words, you may be the recipient
of a mood that is not due to any of your actions at all.
mate becomes incommunicative and refuses to interact with you,
this can also be a sign of cheating. He or she might seem cold
or inconsiderate of your feelings and be less intimate with
you in general. This kind of psychological distancing includes
such behaviors such as locking the bathroom door when he or
she has always left it open. They may also insist that they
pick up their own dry cleaning or keep locked drawers. They
may also insist on doing their own laundry. If he or she seems
extra finicky about personal boundaries or seems to be trying
to set new rules about privacy, this is also a warning sign.
experts say that if your partner's taste in clothing, movies
or music suddenly changes, than they may be trying please their
sign of cheating is if your partner seems to be a bit over the
top when cutting up or criticizing a person that both of you
know quite well. This is a common tactic used to conceal an
affair that leads you believe that nothing would ever be possible
between the two of them.
the biggest indication that you might be dealing with a cheater
is if they stop acting as if they are a part of your life. They
may lose complete interest in family, friends or following through
on mutual financial goals or plans for the future. Your mate
also might be reluctant to go out of town for any reason, as
that might cause a crisis in his or her other relationship.
If you do
discover that your mate is cheating, you are likely to go through
the five stages of grief - shock denial, anger, sadness and
acceptance. There is no underestimating the enormous impact
of these reactions, even if you had a gut feeling that you knew
about the affair all along.
will also probably go through three phases. The first is the
reaction to the affair, the second is the decision as to what
to do about it and the last is a recuperation phase (whether
or not you decide to stick it out with your partner in the end.)
If your partner is willing to be part of the decision and recuperation
phases, it is highly recommended that you seek marriage or relationship
counseling to deal with the fall-out from the infidelity.