You Insecure In Relationships?
by Carol Chanel
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You Insecure In Relationships?
in a relationship is a lot like a headache: most of us experience
the pain of it at one time or another and its curable once we know
what causes it and what to do to avoid it. This ?pain? is most acute
in romantic relationships. They can really bring out our insecurities.
Insecure - lacking self-confidence.
Here's the interesting
thing. Almost everyone is insecure about some aspect of themselves.
So if almost everyone has something they worry about, or don?t feel
confident about, then how can they make you feel better about yourself?
They can?t. They?re busy trying to get ahead or just get by in this
world. We?re going to look at what causes you to feel insecure in
relationships? What you can do to feel more secure in a romantic
relationship? Who you can be to let confidence, not insecurity,
fill you and guide you?
cause is the need for validation ? from someone else. No one can
validate you. Not really. It?s not going to happen often enough,
with the right words, at the right time, in the right way. It?s
not going to be enough. Only you can validate you. The ultimate
validation occurs when you acknowledge your connection to the Divine,
then you are truly validated.
On a more human
level you might be choosing the wrong person for yourself. If you
are a person who likes lots of attention, you?re probably not going
to do well with a man or woman who is completely involved in their
own lives with very little time and energy to spare for you. Or
if you like to share activities you might not want to get involved
with a man who plops down in front of the TV and calls it a night
? at 6 p.m. Be honest with yourself about what you like, what works
and what doesn?t work for you. And then make choices that support
your likes, needs and wants. Other causes ? and we all suffer from
these ? come from our childhood or adolescent years. Most of us
didn?t escape those early teen years without feeling gawky, unattractive
or some form of embarrassment.
But now you?re
an adult. Take an objective look at yourself and move on past those
years. That could be an excuse to avoid being intimate.
from not valuing yourself. And then expecting someone else to value
you. When they don?t ? look out, you crash. And then your self-confidence
TO FEEL MORE
So in order
to feel more secure you need to boost your self-confidence. It?s
time to be honest here. There are four areas - emotional, spiritual,
physical and mental ? that need to be addressed.
What are some
of your good qualities? The things your mother praises about you,
the things your best friend notices and points out.
If you?ve forgotten
what those qualities are ? ask a friend, family member, or an ex-boyfriend
or girlfriend. Choose someone you trust.
Then work on
the physical part. What is it you really need to change? You know
the one or two things you don?t like about yourself that you can
Do you want
to lose 10 pounds? Then start an exercise program and learn to eat
properly. Do you want to tone your muscles? Get an exercise video
or hire a trainer. Do you want to dress differently? Hire an image
consultant or get a hip friend to take you shopping.
Maybe you want
to stop smoking or start meditating to feel calmer and peaceful.
Start with one
thing that will allow you to feel better about yourself. Something
easy. Something achievable. You will build momentum.
Then take a
look at the spiritual part ? what is your spiritual life like? Do
you believe in a higher power? If so, are you in gratitude for the
things you do have? Like two arms, legs, a healthy heart. Or do
you complain about what you don?t have?
your self-confidence by strengthening your core.
Are you giving
and loving to others? If you want to feel better about yourself
? give love to others. A generous heart works every time.
To lift up the
mental part look at what information you are soaking up. Are you
watching violent movies or soap operas or reading melodramatic novels?
Are you glued to CNN?
with those things is they connect you to low energy emotions of
blame, regret, anxiety, humiliation, shame and even hatred.
stories, watch The Biography Channel or other interesting programming.
Involve your mind in topics and with people who aren?t living in
melodrama or negativity, but instead prefer to think positively
part will follow when you get the other three in order. Diet, exercise,
spiritual growth and what your mind is exposed to, naturally affect
your emotions because then you are in a loving energy field.
And if you are
still suffering, then please get some professional help. There?s
no shame in that. Don?t suffer on your own.
WHO YOU CAN
You can BE a
beacon of light. You can choose to be loving. You can choose to
think light filled thoughts. You can be a source of hope, inspiration
When you reconnect
to the light you will feel wonderful about yourself. Yes we all
have our mountains to climb. That?s life. We don?t need to choose
to feel insecure because of our mountains.
I like this
quote from Khan that Wayne Dyer used in his book ?There?s A Spiritual
Solution to Every Problem?:
to the problem of the day is the awakening of the consciousness
of humanity to the divinity within.? Hazrat Inayat Khan
it? you are connected to the Divine Source. You are part of that
Source, just like a wave is part of the ocean. It looks like it?s
separate but it ultimately flows back into the ocean. So by acknowledging
that you are part of the Divine Source then you can?t be inferior.
Say a pray, call to the angels, go to church, take a hike or a long
walk by the ocean. Do something that puts you in touch with nature
and your connection.
Take the steps
to improve how you feel about yourself, to reconnect to the Divine
Source. You?re not inferior. You don?t need to feel insecure. You
are loved and you are able to love.
and set up a plan to begin to increase your self-confidence. Don?t
let anything be an excuse.
and yourself, be in gratitude, read uplifting stories or great spiritual
books, exercise and eat healthy foods, don?t make wrong choices.
Carol C. Chanel, 2004-2005
Chanel is a Certified Life Coach who helps people get UNSTUCK, have
healthy, joyful relationships, improve their love lives and feel
great. Carol works with people by phone, from all over the world;
and writes an ezine, Rockin? Relationships, to guide people through
the challenges of relationships.
You can contact her at:
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