by Jeanette Castelli
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Maximum Healing – Minimum Time
If you are going
through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain,
anger and depression, know this: You don’t need to suffer one more
day over your ex! It doesn’t matter how long you have suffered,
it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain,
and use this breakup to your benefit.
You may feel
that you can’t stop clinging on to the past, but by clinging on
to the past, you are stopping life. Life is change; people come
and go in your life, and that is okay. As you grow, new people will
come and some may leave. It is all for your own good. The tendency
to cling to the old and avoid change is a common human trait. Unfortunately,
it is also a self-defeating and self-destructive habit, and completely
I have seen
too much suffering and pain from breakups. Friends, family members,
clients and acquaintances have gone through long periods of pain
before getting over their exes. It took them a long time before
healing their hearts and opening for love again. From the outside,
it was obvious that their exes were not the right people for them
in the first place, or that their relationship had become stagnant
and even sour. Finally the breakup occurred, followed by a long
period of pain, suffering and ultimately a slow healing. (A long,
painful recovery can create long lasting negative consequences in
life, such as loss of a job, poor school performance, depression,
weight problems, and many more).
after the breakup, I found them happier than ever, with a loved
one. That new person seemed to be almost a perfect match. Looking
back into their lives, they realized that unless they went through
that breakup, finding their true love would not have happened. So,
why couldn’t they accept that this breakup was for their own good
in the first place? Why couldn’t they get over it faster, rather
than taking months or years to do so? Why did they have to go through
years or months of suffering? Why did they waste so much precious
time of their lives?
After a breakup,
everybody has two choices. One, leave the healing to time. Two,
take charge of the recovery process. The first method will take
a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and torturous.
The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to accelerate
the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to find
healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before. You may need
some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing.
We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go
through an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method,
a successfully proven method for emotional healing.
F.A.S.T. method is an effective, simple and practical alternative
to heal faster than you thought possible. Three facts make this
method a very exciting proposition: First, it works; second, anyone
can follow it and get results; third, it creates permanent change
in the negative pattern of relationships. I must warn you: the Extreme
F.A.S.T. method is not for people who want to suffer, cling on to
the past, or keep repeating the same patterns in their relationships.
This method is the ultimate healing tool: a quick, productive, effective
and confronting method to heal as fast as you can. The steps are:
Face It, Accept It, See The Lessons and Take Yourself To A New Level.
The first step
is to Face It. The alternative to facing it, is denying it. Even
though denial is a “natural” stage in any healing process it is
unnecessary and it only creates prolonged suffering. You can accelerate
your healing process by facing it. Even though it will be painful,
it will feel so good afterwards. Some of the realities you need
to face are: you have been hurt, you are emotional, you feel lonely
and empty, and the most important one, it is over. This first step
is intense and filled with emotional release. To make it easier,
express your feelings and emotions privately, avoid self-destructive
behaviors (such as drinking and casual sex) and be your own best
The second step
in the Extreme F.A.S.T. healing process is to Accept It. Acceptance
means to surrender to what is real, versus what we wish were real.
Acceptance also means that we can look into ourselves for honest
answers. We can see how we contributed to the situation and how
we were partly responsible for it. Among the things you need to
accept are, that you have idealized your ex, you are there were
“warning signs” and suffering helps you avoid your life.
The third step
is to see the lessons. Life is always guiding us to what is best
for us. Through joyful and painful experiences, we learn lessons
that help us grow. Sometimes the only way we pay attention to our
deep needs, is when we experience pain and suffering. These are
the lessons you need to see about: self-esteem, your definition
of love, and your choice of a partner. As you learn from these areas
you are growing and preparing to get the love you truly deserve.
An important question to ask yourself as you see your lessons: Is
there anything that you fear about long term relationships?
The fourth and
last step of the Extreme F.A.S.T. method is to Take Yourself To
A New Level. This means to get to a new level in your life where
you can start living your life in a more fulfilling way. Many of
the apparently negative experiences we have in our lives guide us
to explore new alternatives for ourselves. We may learn new ways
of taking care of ourselves, new ways of feeling good about ourselves
and new ways of relating to others. By taking small risks that feel
comfortable for us, we grow and develop a new sense of self. Your
new level of growth will include new levels of: Self-esteem and
confidence, positive relationships, passion and Fun, and Love in
By going through
these steps, the Extreme F.A.S.T method can really help you accelerate
your healing and get ready for a new love. But the first love you
need to develop is with yourself. As you realize that the outside
world is a reflection of your internal world, you may want to pay
more attention to your feelings, emotions and needs. The pain that
some experiences bring into your life is generally a call for you
to pay more attention to yourself. So why not start now.
When you choose
a method to use and follow in your breakup or divorce recovery,
you are already on the path to healing. You have a choice; use your
free will to choose what is best for YOU.
a lot of courage and strength to want to heal fast. It would be
easier to follow the mass belief that after a breakup we will go
through a lot of pain and suffering for years, or at least months.
However, you can make a different choice. You can believe in your
own capacity to heal fast, in your own ability to get on with your
life as soon as possible. You don’t need to waste precious time
suffering and dwelling on the past. You can get the love you truly
deserve. Your true partner is already on the way; the more you suffer
and prolong your healing, the more you will delay his or her arrival.
Make your choice:
Time or Extreme Breakup Recovery?
Jeanette Castelli. Adapted from “Extreme Breakup Recovery” by Jeanette
Castelli, M.S. A do it yourself Workshop-In-A-Book®. Features a
step-by-step guidance through the Extreme F.A.S.T. method: proven
for quick, permanent and productive recovery from any breakup or
divorce. Includes exercises, worksheets and affirmations. Book available
at bookstores and online retailers worldwide. ISBN: 0-9742061-3-X.
For more information, visit website: http://www.Breakup.Urbantex.com/
Castelli is an author, speaker and coach. Her education includes
an MBA and a Master of Psychology. She is an expert in recovery
and healing processes, including divorce, past events and wall street
losses. Contact her JCastelli@urbantex.com
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