For A Long-Term Relationship
by Sharon Jacobsen
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For A Long-Term Relationship
Have you ever
wondered why we flirt? I mean, we've all done it at some time but
it's one of those things that we do without really giving any though
to why or how.
flirting's our way of letting the opposite sex know that we're available.
What it says we're available for depends entirely on how we flirt
but for the sake of this article, I'll concentrate on the flirting
that's done when you're with somebody you might like to develop
a committed relationship with.
If you're a
bit on the shy side, perhaps lacking in self confidence after being
away from the singles scene for a long time, flirting can be quite
a daunting task. It isn't difficult. It's like everything else;
practice makes perfect so if you want to be a successful flirt on
the serious dating scene, you need to start sticking your toes back
in the water before you dive in after the big fish. Find a few fellas
who you think are nice but are unlikely to bump into at the local
post-office or your regular watering hole and practice your flirting
skills on them. If you get it wrong the most you'll lose is the
time you spent flirting but you'll have learned a lot. When you
start to feel confident, that's the time to home in on the guy of
your dreams and show him what you're made of.
scene. You're sitting at a pavement cafe on a warm, sunny day. A
reasonably nice looking guy walks past, glances in your direction
but looks as miserable as sin. Five minutes later another reasonably
nice looking guy walks past. This one looks across as you and smiles.
Which of them would you most likely want to get to know better?
My bet's that you'd go with the second guy, simply because he smiled.
A smile immediately
gives your appearance more warmth so you'll seem more open and inviting
When he talks,
smile in appropriate places. Don't sit there grinning like a Cheshire
cat; at best you'll appear false, at worse he'll think you've forgotten
to take your medication.
A smile shows
interest and best of all, it's contagious.
* Eye Contact
looking at something they find appealing and you don't want him
to think you don't fancy him, do you? If you're shy or insecure
about flirting you'll perhaps find it difficult to hold his gaze
for a moment longer than you should but you really MUST look at
him when he's speaking. Looking at everything else will just say
"that crack in the pavement's more interesting to look at than you"
and that's hardly what you want, is it?
If, on the other
hand, you're super confident, don't go making the reverse mistake
and spend the evening staring at him. Men may love to boast to their
mates that "she couldn't take her eyes off me" but in reality, being
stared at makes a person feel awkward and embarrassed.
* Touch Him
one, this! Especially if you're shy.
Think back to
primary school and that boy who fancied you (or fancied your mate,
or whoever). Remember how he used to push you in the corridor or
pull your hair in the playground? It's hardly strange we find it
difficult to understand the opposite sex when that's how they behave
when they fancy us but it was all about having the opportunity to
Now that we're
older we have to find other ways of touching one another without
appearing to be too intimate. Dancing's a good solution, as is touching
his arm or knee when laughing together. Losing your balance slightly
whilst walking together so that you have to reach out and balance
yourself against him's another good ploy, as is asking him to help
you on with your coat.
* Feel Sexy
Dress to feel
sexy but remember that sexy isn't about showing it all. In fact,
it isn't necessarily about showing anything! The way the fabric
feels against your skin, heels and wearing your frillies underneath
your dress can all make a woman feel sexy without looking cheap.
The really good news though, is when a woman feels sexy she'll automatically
appear sexy to the opposite sex.
* Show Interest
obvious doesn't it, but sometimes it's easy to think we're showing
interest even though the signals are actually saying something else.
Showing interest is a mix of all what's gone before; not looking
at the floor instead of at him, touching him when you have the chance,
looking him in the eye and smiling, but above all, it's about listening
to what he's saying and asking questions. If you were interesting
in buying a house, I'm should you'd listen keenly to what the owner
or estate agent had to say and ask plenty of questions, wouldn't
you? Do the same when you're interested in a man! After all, how
important's a house compared with a loving, supportive life partner?
had lunch, taken a walk around the park or spent an evening together,
thank him for it and tell him how much you've enjoyed it. Don't
go OTT; just say you've had a lovely time and that he's been good
do, don't leave the date without letting him know that you're available
for another. By saying nothing you're likely to leave him believing
that you don't want to see him again. At the very least, you'd leave
him feeling confused and if his self-confidence isn't right up there
next to the likes of Mick Jagger and Peter Stringfellow, he's hardly
likely to call again. Saying something like "give me a call if you
fancy doing it again" will open the way for him to make further
contact. Playing hard to get rarely works.
Now it's up
to you to get out there and start practising your flirting skills.
It may seem like a daunting task right now but believe me, it won't
be long before flirting becomes second nature and you'll be wondering
what the fuss was all about.
By Sharon Jacobsen
Jacobsen is founder/administrator of FriendsYourWay.co.uk,
a web service designed to help women meet other women for platonic
friendships in their local area of the UK.
grown up in East London, Sharon moved to Norway at the age of 19,
where she remained until 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her
partner and two of her three children. Contact Sharon on: firstname.lastname@example.org
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